Have you ever been a part of a conversation where the person you are talking with is always stepping on your words and interrupting your flow by cutting you off at every turn? How did that make you feel? Compare that experience to having a conversation with a person who is attentive, making eye contact and processing your words before responding. Active listening is a skill worth mastering for rewarding and successful relationships.
Years ago, when I was starting a sales career, I was focused on one goal, closing the deal. On my quest to make a sales call - the one that would put me over the top of my annual budget - I made a critical mistake. I showed up to the appointment with the goal of asking for the order. With zero interest in my client's business or conversation, I left the meeting empty handed. The understandably frustrated client called my manager and asked for a new salesperson. You can not be successful without showing a genuine interest in relationships. You will improve your business and personal life by tuning in to each person you dialog with.
It is also important to have the right balance of ego and empathy in every relationship. Empathy enables us to step into the other person's shoes and understand at a fundamental level what they need. Keeping our ego in check helps us become better listeners. The natural tendency for most people is to jump in and compare like experiences or solve problems for people we communicate with. Imagine how different things would be if you just sat back and really absorbed the message versus competing for words and life experiences.
Here are three solid ideas guaranteed to improve your listening skills and help you build more meaningful relationships.
Stay In The Moment
Have you ever lost the train of conversation because you've been planning what you'll say next? Come on, be honest, even the best listeners are guilty of this scenario at some time. Instead of thinking about what you will say next, relax, make eye contact, and prepare yourself to listen. By staying in the moment, you demonstrate a true interest in the person you are engaged with. If your mind starts to wander, come back to the present moment and clarify your place in the conversation. You will make a positive impact on every person you talk to when keeping this simple suggestion in mind.
Can you remember the last time somebody truly got you because they had an active interest in listening to what you had to say? What a fantastic feeling it is to be honored by a person with genuine interest in your story.
Repeat What You Heard
How many times have you experienced a communication breakdown in the midst of a conversation? Some times, tone of voice, loss of clarity or a simple interruption can cause a disconnect.
Try repeating what you hear a person say to reflect and demonstrate you understand them. This simple technique improves active listening and will help zero in on an obstacle or misunderstanding within the conversation. Taking time to clarify points in a conversation will improve how you communicate with everyone you touch.
Pay Attention To Body Language
At the beginning of the year participated in a silent retreat. What an amazing experience to be with a small tribe of people meditating, practicing yoga and taking meals together without talking. By the end of the event, I could tell so much about each person in the group. It was obvious who was open and who was reserved; who was happy and who was sad. It seemed as if I knew people whom I'd never met before nor talked with, purely by being in the same room with them. Over a period of days, our body language communicated who we were at that moment in time.
Human beings give obvious clues to what they really think through their body language. A frequently asked question is, "What percent of our communication is nonverbal?" Statistics vary between 65-95% based on research from anthropologists and psychologists.
Observe body language closely to learn volumes about a person. Leaning forward, smiling, and asking a lot of questions about a stories details are good signs that you are an active participant in the conversation.
On the other hand, if you do not maintain eye contact or have very few questions and seem to be distracted or disinterested you are not actively listening. Should you find yourself in this situation, why not admit that you are distracted and schedule a better time to talk.
Partnering for success in any relationship has everything to do with active listening and complete understanding.
Remember these points:
1. Stay present in your conversations
2. Repeat what you hear to for clarification and reflection
3. Pay close attention to non-verbal behavior
Master the art of active listening and you will build exceptional relationships!
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Shann has been a mentor for most of her life. This natural ability along with coaching a talented sales force for 11 years prepared Shann for professional life coaching. Vander Leek is an excellent communicator with a positive attitude. Her personal style and direct approach have guided and inspired many in accomplishing personal and professional challenges. Shann Vander Leek is the founder of True Balance Life Coaching LLC in northern Michigan and is accredited by the Coach Training Alliance.
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